Relationships With Children, An ‘Image of the Child’
Have you ever asked what image you hold of the child? Unless you studied early education, my guess is that you’re not even sure what that question means. Your image of the child is a combination of your ideas about children (your experiences with them) and your understanding of them (what you know about how they grow and develop). Your image is like wearing a pair of glasses that informs the way you think about and interpret the child. Your image of the child might be that they are born knowing lots of skills and are in need of more time to explore on their own. Or, your image could be that the child is without many abilities and needs an adult almost always nearby. Or maybe your image falls somewhere inbetween! Your image of the child might change depending on the age of the child or even the child themself. The way we view children impacts the way we respond, care for, and make sense of our relationships with them. Our image shapes our parenting approaches and how we mentor, coach, or teach youth.
How do you know what your image of the child is? To start, pay attention to the way you think, feel and act around kids. Then, get curious and kid-watch. Like how you would ‘people watch’ at a cafe on the street, notice what the children in your company say and do. What are they paying attention to and how? Listen to their banter and talk with other children. What surprises you? Delights you? Challenges you? Follow up something you observe a child say or do with a question that invites them to share their thinking. For example, I’m wondering why you chose blue over purple? or How did you decide what to draw/build/do next? Name what you notice children doing out loud. For example, I see you connected the short block to the long one or I noticed you rolled the play-doh into one wavy line.
Being in the present moment with children will allow you to slow down and open a little window into their world. You might learn what they are most curious about or what they fear. Listening to the experiences of the child sends the message that you care. Asking questions to learn more about their perceptions also builds trust. An active back and forth dialogue between an adult and the child can foster further learning. Through open conversation the adult and the child can co-construct meaning. This sort of interaction promotes greater understanding and a sense of connectedness.
A 'strong' image of the child is strength-based. The child is seen as naturally inquisitive, intelligent, capable and loving. This image promotes respect for children and their independence. A strong image of the child does not mean the adult is passive in their relationship with children. It is not unloving to set boundaries and give feedback to children. It also does not mean that the child will be free from social and emotional challenges. A strong image of the child promotes compassion in response to difficulties. Difficulties in childhood are an expected part of being human, not a deficit of the child. Above all, a strong image of the child is full of possibilities. Children have so much to offer if only we look close enough to see.
